Pure love, emotional love
The reason women don't fantasize about sex nearly as much as men is because sex isn't as much of a gratification to them. For women, sex is more love, and love cannot be fantasized as opposed to sex. To love is to keep the silent image of the beloved in consciousness. Once fantasy begins as an erotic image; sexuality and sex shops take possession of love.
For man, sex can also be love. But since he invariably uses it to ejaculate as a means of releasing his repressed psychic aggression, his sexual emotion contains much gratification and selfishness, he uses the woman. If he could join her without reaching out, he would begin to love her properly or for herself. Ejaculation, as far as the man is concerned, normally marks the end of the act.
But for the woman, even if he has brought her to orgasm, he still has not collected her finer energies above her orgasm. Her orgasm will release or disperse her immediate sexual emotion, but the divine energies left uncollected from her will eventually degenerate into emotional demand and discontent. Every emotion in a woman is the demand or the cry to be truly loved and not to be used as a sexual spittoon.
At the beginning of time, when the world had just begun, the state of man and woman was very different from what it is today. When I say this, you must not confuse the beginning of time and the world with the beginning of the universe or the earth. Let me explain it to you. The earth is not the world; man built the world.
The beginning of time and of the world is relatively recent, about twelve thousand years ago when man identified time with physical death for the first time. Before this time there was only the past, stretching back to the first life on Earth. Time is not past; time provides the sense of tomorrow or continuity on which the world is built. Before life on earth there was not only no time, but also no past - only the present, the presence, or no time. Time is not a process of things becoming better established, that is progress. Time is a process of things gradually getting worse. Things have been much worse for the man and the woman or his love since they began to slip imperceptibly. You might say that this sounds like a myth, it is a myth but not a myth like a fable or a fiction. What I am going to describe to you now is the truth. The myth, the true myth, is the only means that we have left to communicate the truth, the original state of man and woman on earth.
Please remain receptive and quiet while you can suspend your critical mind and listen as I outline for you the myth or the truth of man and woman, your own original state that you are striving to reach by living and loving in time today.
Originally the individual bodies of men and women were permanently surrounded by a magnificent golden orb or halo. It, radiating from the solar plexus, extended visibly far above the head into the earth and out beyond the reach of the outstretched limbs. The woman's orb was a slightly deeper gold than the man's, but both had the same beautiful, sublime, dazzling quality.
The woman was pure love, the serene passive pole of human spiritual love on earth. Man, the active positive pole, was also love, but not pure love in the same sense.
He was the love of pure authority, the masculine principle, which was the guardian of love, or of the woman, or of the earth. His or her love was responsible for maintaining the divine, golden quality of love between them. The brilliance of his halos reflected at all times the intensity and purity of that love. The act of physical love from him was ecstatic. The divine energy generated was so powerful that after making love their bodies or halos would light up with incredible splendor. This self-luminous irradiation of the spirit or love created in each one by physical union was the manifestation of his divinity on earth. Man and woman at the beginning of time were gods, and they sustained the consciousness and presence of their divinity, their non-temporality, making physical love divine.
The halo or golden energy was their means of communication, together or apart. Its reach went beyond its visible outline, and through it each was in continuous undisturbed contact with the other, in silence and stillness - this is in the mutual awareness of pure love. Over time, when one of the two halos needed to regenerate, the man and woman were drawn together, made love as the only physical poles of consciousness on earth, and lit up and regenerated again. Hers regenerated her love while she regenerated his love and his authority. The communication between them was so complete that there was no need to speak.
Speaking developed over time; in men and women, who by losing themselves in the time given to other things, to building the world, began to forget to love - that is, they forgot how to be themselves all the time. The result was that they failed to make physical, divine love. Their halos or consciousness lost the golden connection and they had to start speaking through the gap developed between them. Then, through speech, misunderstanding and emotion appeared. As time or lack of love invaded the body of man and woman more, speech replaced the immediacy and fullness of love and the vocabulary grew and grew. Instead of 'being' in love, they would say, 'I love you', and many other verbal substitutes for love.
Some individuals retained the intensity of the halo longer than others, but with time or the past increasing for each, things became inexorably worse. Several thousand years later, most men and women had forgotten how to be love and how to make love. Despite apparently performing the same physical act, they could not release or generate the divine energy and personify in themselves the living spirit or the presence of love, the non-time. The bodies of the man and the woman were no longer aligned in love but in time and emotion. Instead of making pure love they made demanding, emotional love. And instead of producing spiritually enlightened children, they produced them emotionally dependent. The woman, once pure love, was now perennially confused and discontented. The man, having lost her authority, was now impatient with her and, trying to find a substitute for his authority, became perennially busy and restless.
Furthermore, lacking the authority to love her, he used his superior physical and economic strength to force her into an inferior social position, particularly by exploiting her youthful love. This enraged her so much that she would never forget or forgive his injustice and the corruption of love. The human race, the race through time, had begun.
Extract from Making Love
Saints and mystics