The Embrace of Love
It is a great shock to the new-born baby body to emerge from the enclosing warmth of the womb. Until this moment there has been no need to breathe or open the mouth for food, no need for any awareness of space or time. Suddenly the environment is strange and hostile. Thereís the feeling of suffocation, the need to breathe; the difference between warmth and coldness; and a sense of distance or isolation, the separation of myself from the fluid world that was embracing me. In the trauma and shock of that moment my very first need is to be embraced by the warmth of another body. It is the warmth my body will desire for the rest of my life, until I slip back into the psychic womb of death to be embraced by what awaits me there.
When the baby first comes into the world it is vital for the child to feel the physical embrace and warmth of the mother. If in the first moments that is not possible, then midwives, nurses and doctors carry a great responsibility. It is most important to wrap the arms around the little body and hold it close. The baby needs this firm reassurance in the moments of transferring from one dimension to another.
'It is all right. I love you. It is all right. I am here with you. I love you.'
Don't think the infant cannot hear you. The baby hears the love in the voice, and that is determined by the love in the speaker. It rises from the sweetness of life that the speaker has realised as his or her inner wellbeing; and that is what communicates to the new-born.
'Hello, here you are. You've arrived in this world. It's a strange world, because we're so isolated here; we're individuals and separated from each other. And it's cold here, though we try to keep you warm. But I want you to know that these are my warm arms around you and I love you. You've come from a lovely warm place where you didn't have to breathe and you didn't have to cry, you didn't have to do anything there; but there are lots of things to do here, I know, and it's a very strange existence, although there is love here. So everything's all right. I am going to look after you as best I can and prepare you for living in this strange world. You can feel the warmth of my arms and my voice carries my love and my assurance that I will look after you.'
Talk to the new-born just like that, as though every word is understood, because the being of the child receives the words. Even a flower receives your 'Hello!' when there's meaning in it because there is a correspondence between all living things. We are psychic creatures and the energy of the voice carries psychic meaning as long as we actually live what we are saying and are being true to what we are saying.
'I love you. You can feel my arms around you. It's very important in this world to feel the warmth of another's love. And these arms are going to be around you as long as I can be with you. These are the arms of love. My arms of love are around you. Isn't it nice to be lying in my arms like this? It is good to feel them around you. And it is good for me to hold you. It's very beautiful for me to have you lying in these arms of love.'
As you go on speaking quietly in this way you are giving the baby your loving attention. This is then stored in the battery of the baby's experience as the knowledge 'I am loved.' A baby spoken to like this will make fewer demands for attention. There will be less insecurity when the parents are out of the room, less demand for attention when the toddler suddenly misses mother's physical presence around the house. There will be less reaching out, trying to relate by touching and holding on, because there is already frequent physical contact with the mother and father. When your children are four or five years old, they will know that cuddling is a most natural thing and that any time of the day Mummy or Daddy can come over and pick them up and say 'Hello, little one, hello, hello' and give them a cuddle. When the physical contact they need is already there, children do not need to demand it.
The Legacy of Lack of Embrace
I have spoken to thousands of people at my seminars in different countries around the world and it is amazing how many people tell me that they were never cuddled. Their mothers or fathers couldn't reach out to embrace them.
So many people are still trying to find love. So many have told me how difficult it is for them to truly embrace their partners and they attribute this to the fact that their own mothers and fathers did not want to embrace them, or could not.
So many people have said to me, 'What is love? I don't know that I've ever loved or been loved. I don't think I even know what love is.' But it's only the thinker speaking. There's no love in the mind, so of course the thinker doesn't know what love is.
So many people avoid the simple actions of love. 'What should I do to find love?' they ask. Their love is so covered over with trying to find love and thinking about it, instead of being like the innocent baby, back at the beginning, simply knowing 'I need love because everything needs the warmth of love.'
Embracing the Growing Child
The simple beginning of love is in the warm and firm embrace of those first moments of life. But the embrace of love is just as important as the child grows. As a parent you must take responsibility for your love, for the child who needs your loving, firm embrace. In the morning when it's time to go to school, don't be too busy to embrace your young sons and daughters before they leave for the day. And when they return, welcome them home with a cuddle. This should be the loving action of both parents, not just the mother. Each gives a different psychic vibration that enters the child's body of experience. It is just as important for the father to hug his children, for his way of playing and being with them is different and they love his masculine embrace; indeed often they are waiting for it. Take the little one's hand and play or be together. It's no good saying you are too busy or too tired. Make time for it. If you're going to put your work before your love, why have a child? You must love what is in your care. You must be responsible for your love, your child.
I often use the word 'must' for emphasis – but I do not tell you what to do if it is not the truth for you. When it is the truth for you, it is the truth. All you have to do is apply it. That's not easy in a world where there are so many forces that also think they have the truth; but inasmuch as you are responsible for your love and do your best to live the truth, you will find your way through the labyrinth of forces that necessarily oppose every one of us in this existence.
Love and Growing Old