Love is not a doing

Love is not a doing. Love is a being. You don't have to do anything in love except to be honest and true – be true to honesty and love.

At any rate, let's now open up a very interesting statement – get rid of the idea that you have to go through unhappiness. You don't. You get rid of it. You take action. You don't perpetuate it for the rest of the human race. Right?

And, you don't want to succeed, you don't try to succeed – just do what you do. If you want to be a billionaire, then don't want to be a billionaire, and do everything that occurs to you to make money – do it. Don't be afraid of failure because that will inhibit success. Don't be afraid. Do what you do. It may take you seven days a week, probably twenty hours a day, to become a billionaire. But you won't have any love life. You won't have any family life. If you really want to be a billionaire – well, what the hell! – you'll end up a billionaire. Will you be happy? I doubt it. So, just do what you want to do but don't make a problem of it. Don't emotionalise it.

Now, idealising or conceptualising the teaching – I want to speak about that again. The other day a woman said to me that she had a lot of shoulds in her about my teaching – this should be, this should not be. And she said that she had difficulty with that; because, she said,' I know I shouldn't have any shoulds.'

I said – 'give me an example,' and she said – 'well, my partner should not be emotional, and I have difficulty with that because I don't want to change someone else, or if I'm emotional, I should not be emotional.' I could see where she'd got that from in my teaching. Very easy to do. But I had to then tell her what my teaching was because it's very difficult to get what my teaching is because we will make shoulds about it.

My teaching, or the truth of my teaching, is to look into life, into existence here, because it's a mirror of my teaching. If you can see deeply enough into it, it mirrors my teaching.

Now, every organic thing – animal, plant, people – enjoys harmony, the lack of conflict. I am not talking about the self in man and woman that enjoys challenges and conflict. I am talking about the animals, the plants – everything – enjoys harmony, a harmonious life. My teaching says that this is what life is about – for me to enjoy my life.

Then, I say to you, if your partner is emotional – is that contributing to your enjoyment of life? And the answer is, of course, no.

So, it's not what you should do. It's what you can't help but do if you are going to be true to the harmony of life, to the harmony that God is put in all creatures – it is possible in human beings too.

So, it's not what you should do. If you were true to the harmony – that is possible in the spiritual life – first of all, you get rid of your emotion because it's not harmonious to your partner, to those around you, and to the very environment that you are in.

It's not a matter that you should get rid of it – for goodness sake! It's only a 'should' when you're separate from it when you're not seeing the fact of it. Otherwise, it's the truth for you.

If my partner continues to be emotional or reserved or, let us say, ruminating on his or her emotions, then it would be like if I had a stinging nettle beside me – I would get away from it, or I would pull it up or get rid of it. Do I want to live with something that causes me pain? The answer, surely, is 'no,' for that is keeping out of the harmony of life. There's no 'should' about it.

What can cause me disharmony? Let's look in your own experience. My own emotional feelings would cause me unhappiness if I had them if I allowed them to be in me – wouldn't they? Because, while I am emotional, I am missing being in my senses – I am not in my senses – I cannot see things as they are, I cannot hear things as they are, I cannot be easy and relaxed because emotion shows a certain tightness in me of missing something. I am missing the immediacy of my senses.

So, it's not a should – 'I shouldn't be emotional,' surely. Surely, it's intelligent not to be emotional – isn't it?

I have to talk from a level of intelligence that the human race generally does not have. Unfortunately, it's there in everybody, but we're unintelligent because we've got to make shoulds and shouldn'ts instead of seeing the fact.

Am I here to enjoy my life? What does everybody say to that? 'No, I'm not here to enjoy my life?' Fair enough. Go and keep working and keep having problems.

But, if I'm here to enjoy my life, I have to see, surely, what makes my life unhappy. I have to come very close to home to see that. I have to come to my self – that's what makes my life unhappy – my emotions.

Now, can I tolerate in me something that I can get rid of? Can I tolerate it? No' should' in that. If my partner is unhappy – am I going to tolerate that? So that that unhappiness or gloom or whatever it is, comes out over me, and I will get a psychic response – because we all get a psychic response to emotion – it comes out, and it hits here, and it makes a great discomfort. The usual human way is to ignore it or to have a fight about it instead of saying – 'I cannot put up with this anymore. You either change or I'll leave you. Get rid of it now. Or, if you want some more emotion, you want to see what it's really like to be without me, I'll leave you. Then we'll see how much this thing stays in you. While you are with me and you love me that you still want to be unhappy. When I leave you, you will find something that is more important than me and my love of you. You're putting something else first. You're spoiling our love.'

So, you're not telling them what they should or shouldn't do because the man or the woman should – ah! There I go! – the man or the woman must know what is causing unhappiness. And, for that, you then have to come down to reality because it seems as though emotions – although they are so real in our experience – emotion is creeping away, getting away with it in something else that is going on within us.

You've heard me speak of this before. I have to speak of this over and over because emotion is getting away in the disguise of my feelings. All feelings are emotional. Earlier the lady asked about emotional exaltation or exultation – that's also emotional. There's nothing to get exalted about – nothing. Because it's going to pass, it's going to change.

And then there's happiness you mentioned, the emotion of happiness – that's a feeling – and with the feeling of happiness, you have to be very, very careful. If you get a feeling of happiness, I can tell you that you are going to get a feeling of unhappiness before long because you can't have the positive without the negative in existence. Any feelings of elation would be followed by some difficulty – with mother, father, self-doubt, problems in the business – somewhere in your life, you will get a negative.

All feelings are false. Except those that relate to your physical body – that you have pain in your knee, that you have pain in your stomach – all those are true feelings. Anything that relates to the physical is a true feeling. Nothing else is a true feeling.

So, therefore, your subconscious is where your emotions lie – no feeling that comes from that is true. Everybody in the past and still mostly everybody lives off their feelings. They allow their feelings to determine their actions or to dictate their actions. I am telling you not to go by your feelings.

What else have I got if I don't go by my feelings? You have the situation and the straightness of mind, the practicality of mind. The situation is what you go by, not by your feelings about the situation.

You see, that's the complete opposite – because the spirit, in truth, is the complete opposite way of doing things. If you be true to the situation, you don't need to have any feelings. And, although in being true to the situation, feelings of doubt and fear of wondering what is going to happen may arise in you – you pursue being true to the situation, and that will take you through.

If you go with your feelings of fear and doubt, and if you go with whether I should or shouldn't, you're being true to your feelings, and you will know self-doubt, uncertainty, and confusion.

Now, what's the situation in the spiritual life? We have to go back to the beginning – haven't we? What is the situation in the spiritual life? The situation is not to give into my feelings. It is to be guided by the situation, which is anything that contributes to me being unhappy – that has to be denied. That's the situation. The spiritual life is supposed to get rid of unhappiness in life, in the body – surely.

I mean, what's the good of the spiritual life if it doesn't produce a life of fulfilment? It doesn't mean happiness. Satisfaction brings about happiness – not fulfilment unless you know what fulfilment is unless you know what I'm talking about. That is because the self is always looking for satisfaction, and satisfaction is a temporary thing.

The spiritual life is supposed to bring about a totality of fulfilment in which everything is provided, but you can't have any feelings. You can't have any self-will, you can't have any want, you can't have any trying.

So, the situation is that I cannot tolerate anything that makes me unhappy unless I am locked up with it, and there is no alternative. The chances of that are not great. Although, there are some situations where you are locked up in a situation. It could be one connected with the judicial systems where something in your life, where some action between you and someone else is going on – the process is going on, but even so, you have to see what you can do practically. The spiritual life is practical. It is not as people think – an impractical and abstract thing – it's absolutely practical. In such a situation – in a legal situation – you have to accept it as it is or take more action. If you can't take any action, then you leave it as it is, and you don't worry about it. That's being true to the situation. I must take every practical action that I can see and not worry about it. The spiritual life is purely practical – it is not abstract – and that's something that is not grasped by many people in the spiritual life.

If something is making me unhappy then I must take action, and mostly it's my self that is making me unhappy. So, what action can I take to get rid of my self? Well, again – self-denial, self-sacrifice – negation. Negation of what it enjoys most.

I had to say to one of my staff once when we were travelling, 'you are enjoying your self, you're enjoying your self too much –' they weren't doing anything except talking to people, but I could see that they were enjoying themselves, and the spiritual life is not about enjoying your self. It's about enjoying life but not enjoying your self. There's a distinction here, you see.

What's the enjoyment of life? The enjoyment of life is to be in harmony. Not to be dependent on external circumstances to make you happy.

There is only one way if you are locked up or anything. It is to accept your life as it is, that you cannot change it. If you can change it – do something and be practical. You would have experienced enough to know the repercussions of what you are doing.

To begin to change your life, you have to accept your life as it is now.

There is another thing that is not understood. Your life – as it is now – is perfect, for now. With all its ups and downs and everything – it's perfect for now – but only for now. You must accept it as it is now.

Otherwise, you'd be doing something to try to change it, and you cannot change your life. You only think you can. You have to accept your life as it is – truly accept it as it is – for now.

And, then, when the time comes, you will be informed from within or without by circumstances – you will be informed. You'd know what action to take. There wouldn't be any voices or anything. You'd just take the action or see the action. And then you can possibly change your life. But it will not be up to you. You cannot change your life. It doesn't matter what you do to change your life from your own decision – you will run into similar circumstances. You will perpetuate this running from your self or into your self.

Now, do you hear me, please? The only way to change your life is to accept it as it is.

To be conscious – to be looking into your life – all the time you are accepting it and seeing the things are troublesome and are not contributing to your joy. You must not try to change them for now. You must allow life to work, and it will only work for you rightly so that it brings harmony and not more dislocation. It will only work for you if you accept your life as it is – now – for this period, and we don't know how long this period is. Then something happens from within, or an event happens without. No decisions.

Now, we are in a culture where decisions are the most important thing, and we are getting told more and more about making decisions. And, all our children are taught to make decisions. This drives you into conflict and into confusion – because all your decisions are made by your self. So, the surface result is confusion and unhappiness and trying again – trying this and that, this and that. Whereas underneath, the whole of life is being controlled by this great spiritual will and intelligence. But, on the surface, we are running around like ants – doing this, doing that – although ants are intelligent because they work instinctively. We don't work instinctively. We work according to our self. The decision – what to do, what not to do – comes from our feelings. We have not learnt to surrender. We have not learnt to just do as you do – without wanting, without trying, without competing. It is a way of life that disappeared from this place many, many thousands of years ago, but it doesn't alter the fact.

You must deny your self. Now, there will be people that say, 'ah, but why shouldn't I go and enjoy my self?' And, I say that there's no reason that you shouldn't go and enjoy your self. While you want to enjoy your self, go and enjoy your self. Do as you do. It will give you satisfaction but it won't fulfil you. Go and do it. Go and enjoy your self. Go and do anything you like. Go and get drunk – every night. No problem! It won't do you any good. Go and take the drugs. Won't do you any good. It would give you a few lifts and highs. But, underneath, it's going to grab you and make you unhappy, or it's going to kill you. That doesn't matter. People are dying every day. It doesn't matter how many die. It doesn't matter that you die. It doesn't matter to anything. So, go and do precisely what you want to do. Because – if you don't do it – you'll only be unhappy anyway. Better to do it. Better to jump off the end. So go and do it. Life will catch up – don't worry. It's all going on underneath, here. Everything is perfect, and we run around on the surface. In other words – if you want to go and do something, go and do it – I am not telling you not to enjoy your self. I am telling you what the truth is. That's all. Where you will eventually come around to and ask for God's help, ask for 'it's' help, ask for something's help – 'please help me! Please help –' because your self would have gotten you into such a mess by doing what you want to do, by doing what you feel is right. Eventually, it ties you into a complete knot, and you can't move because you are locked up in your self and yet you've had enough of your self. It's going to do that to everybody. Nobody escapes.

From a talk by Barry Long, dated 18/04/1994

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